I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN!!!!! '

I do not know the source of these notes so I cannot give credit where it is due but they made me laugh so here they are:

I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN!!!!!
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
 

 
IDIOT  SIGHTING
When
my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver side door. As I  watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'  His reply: 'I
know. I already got that  side.'


This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS
   
IDIOT SIGHTING

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the  opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a  1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's  not..' Four is larger than two.'        


We  haven't used Sears repair since.

 IDIOT  SIGHTING

  My  daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk  a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went  to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.  
 

Do  not confuse the clerks at McD's.
 
IDIOT  SIGHTING

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local  township administrative office

to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't  think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.'

From  Kingman ,  KS  

 

IDIOT  SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco  Bell   and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

 -- From  Kansas City    
 
 

IDIOT  SIGHTING

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To  which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in  Birmingham ,  Ala.  



 
 
 IDIOT  SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was  crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing  driving?!'

She  was a probation officer in  Wichita  , KS    

 
 
IDIOT SIGHTING

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at  each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at  Texas  Instruments.



IDIOT SIGHTING  

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.


A deputy with the  Dallas   County  Sheriffs office, no less.  




IDIOT  SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah??                NO
Lee - A??            NOPE
Lay - a??             NO

Lei??          Guess Again.
This child attends a school in  Kansas City,  Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."